Hey, I’m Denise, a liberal tree hugger, environmental engineering student, Sincere, yet not afraid of irony, I am now president of a community service organization (Circle K) I have accidentally hooked up with two, count it two of my best guy friends and slightly concerned about next year in college and should they ever discuss this fact considering their like best friends, and currently I am living in small town south eastern illinois, in an area experiencing 50 year floods working for a major company oil refinery (AKA: the man). I do believe that once I get back to houghton, live a couple days in the woods, a coffee shop, and curled up any sofa with my friends and some good movies I will prevail myself upon my professors and plead with them that I cannot go on living working for industry, please for all that is dear and humble let me help you and henceforth adopt myself into the sea of knowledge, research, and generally give me an opportunity to see that Adulthood will smother my spirit. Because as of right now, if I found out this was my life, well, shit, it was a good learning experience but I do believe I am over it.
If you are able to immerse yourself into something, become a local, live and breath a lifestyle, it will be great. I can drive in the country, bike along strange roads to cemeterys no one outside a 20 mile radius is aware of, and have a happy conversation with the lady at the antique store, and I can feel like, perhaps, who the hell knows, this could someday be my life. But honestly I don’t have people I love here, and when I don’t have the greatest day, there is not anything to come home to but myself. I cant handle living alone, it was terribly lonely sometimes this winter when Alyssa was gone and Jen left and I was in my college house all alone, but that was not for 3 months.
Work is why I have come here, usually it is okay. Usually it is my time to interact with people I have somewhat gotten to know. Usually I am glad to have gone to work and have the fulfillment to go home jam to some music, run, eat and chill.
Today at work sucked. Meaning it went well in the morning, I had an hour long period of hell, then lunch and then my intern buddy and i did demeaning tasks (that we had to do anyhow) and chated becuase doing real work felt like a downer. The sad part is my hour of hell should have be approximately 5 to 15 minuets of “Hey, can you do this for me? cool, and you should know this, great, thanks!” Instead the woman micro manages tasks so you have no idea what the real picture is, talks to you like the project is the biggest deal in the whole world, and you are stupid and will never understand it, and “what is your feedback, i want you feed back now”, “we need to have a system, becuase this is just so complex”, “I feel like you get snippy with me, what is our communication problem”, oh and my fucking favorite, “This is real life, we have to deal with things like this.”
Jesus fucking Christ woman, get the hell over yourself. I need to update something. I need to highlight something, and then file it! Wow, I think the communication problem is that there is nothing to communicate, I cant give you feedback becuase this job could be done by trained monkey, and as for a system, thats good let me check with the people that are actually more important in the process and when they would like to receive the paper pushing work, because honestly no one gives a damn. As for this being real life, don’t be naive, every part of our existence is real life, and to say any portion is more “real” then the next is to basically say you are an ungrateful bitch for everything this world has handed to you.
PS: I don’t look people in the eye when I am talking about something, I look at the something I am talking about. This pisses her off. I also don’t look at people when I am upset with them, becuase that makes me more upset. This pisses her off even more. Don’t ever tell me to look at you, really crosses a line in my subconscience. It is you telling me something that is really a personal right of mine. I can not speak my mind here, I lost my right to freedom of speech, I just nod and give you bullshit so you will just feel like you accomplished some big important life lesson for me. but dont tell me where I am allowed to look.
PPS: I always get shit done. And for every other person in the office, all of whom treat me like I am not some dumb cunt, I am respected and well liked.